Once upon a time, many years ago, I had a birthday. To celebrate, some friends treated me to a movie. That movie turned out to be Batman & Robin. One of my friends felt so bad about this shitty gift that after the movie we immediately went to a toy store where he bought us a couple of Super Soakers and then we went to the beach and chased each other around and had a fine time.
A month later, in an attempt to make amends for the Batman & Robin fiasco, we went to another movie. This one turned out to be Spawn.
Two years later I got the bright idea that I wanted to go see a movie for my birthday again. That movie? Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Holy Crap I Can't Even Finish This Because the Title Gives Me Embarrassment Shivers.
After that we decided to take a couple years off from the birthday movie tradition. Then in 2002 I thought, surely enough time has passed. Surely it's safe.
We saw Minority Report.
Yesterday was the first time in ten years that I have risked going to the movies for my birthday. I think... I think... that the curse may finally be broken.
Mandy and I saw Ted. It was a risk, I know, but I actually put some thought into this one. I read reviews. I relied on the fact that Mandy and I are both big Family Guy fans. Also? I lowered my expectations. Ten, fifteen years ago I expected every comic book or sci-fi summer blockbuster to be the next Most Awesome Thing Ever. Now I'm content with giggling my ass off for a couple of hours. And that's precisely what I did. And it was great.
Monday, July 02, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
The Count Comes to Calgary
I am over-the-moon excited to announce that my adaptation of The Count of Monte Cristo is coming to Calgary, AB, Canada, courtesy of Mob Hit Productions. (Check them out HERE.) It's my international debut! If you happen to be in Calgary next January 30th through February 9th, please check it out. I'll share more details as they become available.
As you can imagine, this is a big deal for me. The Count was my first foray into playwriting, and I am immensely proud of how our production at Lifeline turned out last year. I am so thrilled that my script has a little more life in it.
As you can imagine, this is a big deal for me. The Count was my first foray into playwriting, and I am immensely proud of how our production at Lifeline turned out last year. I am so thrilled that my script has a little more life in it.
Monday, May 28, 2012
An Open Letter to a Reviewer
Dear Alice Singleton,
This is a new one for me. I've gotten reviews with which I have disagreed, but I have never felt insulted by one. I've certainly never felt the need to respond. I took this long to respond out of respect for the show. I didn't want to raise a stink while we were still running.
On Wednesday, April 25th, 2012, the web publication Gapers Block ran your review of Strawdog Theatre's The Duchess of Malfi. I had the privilege of participating in that production as a cast member and co-fight choreographer. I am proud of the work I did on that show, and proud of what the cast accomplished. I will not claim that it was a great show - plenty of other reviewers pointed out its many flaws - but I am astounded that our little production could have produced the level of smug disdain and outright rudeness exhibited in your review.
First of all, to get my own little personal gripe out of the way: "Shoe-black"? What? I had nothing more in my hair than regular old styling gel. Lots of it. I was playing a greasy, slimy character so we gave him greasy slimy hair. You compared my look to Otto from Beetlejuice. I... don't have a problem with that, actually. That particular character did not come up in the early design discussions as far as I'm aware, but it's a valid choice. The whole show was intended to be over the top. You know... "theatrical."
Also, your concern about cast members tripping over themselves backstage? That was me, too. Tripped over a curtain and threw my hand out to stop myself from falling. Slapped it hard against the wall. Made a big loud noise. Sorry about that. It gets really dark back there! I suppose they could turn on more lights, but you were already having so much difficulty handling a "big-ass show in a small-ass space" and we didn't want to upset your refined sensibilities.
Most of the issues you raise in your bullet-point list wrap up into one basic complaint: The show was not big enough for you. You wanted a bigger stage, and fancier costumes. You wanted to see money. You did NOT want to see Chicago storefront theatre. Yes, anyone can stay home and watch TV, as you suggested, but perhaps someone who thinks plays would be better served at the Lyric is unaware, or cannot appreciate, that attending the theatre is an entirely different experience. The Chicago storefront theatre aesthetic may not be for everybody, but for those who truly appreciate theatre created at the ground level, there is no better place to find it. Your review, Ms. Singleton, makes it apparent that you cannot appreciate a play unless you can see money in it. And I feel sorry for you for that.
Or it's possible you just don't like being that close. Certainly, the Lyric would allow you that oh-so-comfortable separation between the audience and the actors, but I can tell you that no matter how close you are sitting, all of the costumes are held together with safety pins.
Which brings me to your "advice" for the actress who played Julia. Is it possible you are not aware that even though a character may die onstage, the actor playing that character remains alive, and usually continues to breathe? And furthermore, most characters who die onstage do so in a violent manner, which tends to be physically demanding for the actor? If you are unable to suspend your disbelief enough to accept this very standard theatrical convention, how can you possibly be expected to appreciate or even understand the rest of the play? Or ANY play? Or have you just never sat close enough to notice?
Strawdog's The Duchess of Malfi was far from a perfect show. But you held it up to standards that simply do not apply. And because it didn't fit your mold, you spent half your review repeating the Wikipedia plot description, then descended into bullet-pointed condescension and insults. "Slather on plenty of Prep H"? As a 280-pound person who has sat in those chairs many times, I think that comment says more about you and your, ahem, issues, than anything wrong with the theatre or our play.
(CLICK HERE to read the original review.)
This is a new one for me. I've gotten reviews with which I have disagreed, but I have never felt insulted by one. I've certainly never felt the need to respond. I took this long to respond out of respect for the show. I didn't want to raise a stink while we were still running.
On Wednesday, April 25th, 2012, the web publication Gapers Block ran your review of Strawdog Theatre's The Duchess of Malfi. I had the privilege of participating in that production as a cast member and co-fight choreographer. I am proud of the work I did on that show, and proud of what the cast accomplished. I will not claim that it was a great show - plenty of other reviewers pointed out its many flaws - but I am astounded that our little production could have produced the level of smug disdain and outright rudeness exhibited in your review.
First of all, to get my own little personal gripe out of the way: "Shoe-black"? What? I had nothing more in my hair than regular old styling gel. Lots of it. I was playing a greasy, slimy character so we gave him greasy slimy hair. You compared my look to Otto from Beetlejuice. I... don't have a problem with that, actually. That particular character did not come up in the early design discussions as far as I'm aware, but it's a valid choice. The whole show was intended to be over the top. You know... "theatrical."
Also, your concern about cast members tripping over themselves backstage? That was me, too. Tripped over a curtain and threw my hand out to stop myself from falling. Slapped it hard against the wall. Made a big loud noise. Sorry about that. It gets really dark back there! I suppose they could turn on more lights, but you were already having so much difficulty handling a "big-ass show in a small-ass space" and we didn't want to upset your refined sensibilities.
Most of the issues you raise in your bullet-point list wrap up into one basic complaint: The show was not big enough for you. You wanted a bigger stage, and fancier costumes. You wanted to see money. You did NOT want to see Chicago storefront theatre. Yes, anyone can stay home and watch TV, as you suggested, but perhaps someone who thinks plays would be better served at the Lyric is unaware, or cannot appreciate, that attending the theatre is an entirely different experience. The Chicago storefront theatre aesthetic may not be for everybody, but for those who truly appreciate theatre created at the ground level, there is no better place to find it. Your review, Ms. Singleton, makes it apparent that you cannot appreciate a play unless you can see money in it. And I feel sorry for you for that.
Or it's possible you just don't like being that close. Certainly, the Lyric would allow you that oh-so-comfortable separation between the audience and the actors, but I can tell you that no matter how close you are sitting, all of the costumes are held together with safety pins.
Which brings me to your "advice" for the actress who played Julia. Is it possible you are not aware that even though a character may die onstage, the actor playing that character remains alive, and usually continues to breathe? And furthermore, most characters who die onstage do so in a violent manner, which tends to be physically demanding for the actor? If you are unable to suspend your disbelief enough to accept this very standard theatrical convention, how can you possibly be expected to appreciate or even understand the rest of the play? Or ANY play? Or have you just never sat close enough to notice?
Strawdog's The Duchess of Malfi was far from a perfect show. But you held it up to standards that simply do not apply. And because it didn't fit your mold, you spent half your review repeating the Wikipedia plot description, then descended into bullet-pointed condescension and insults. "Slather on plenty of Prep H"? As a 280-pound person who has sat in those chairs many times, I think that comment says more about you and your, ahem, issues, than anything wrong with the theatre or our play.
(CLICK HERE to read the original review.)
Saturday, May 26, 2012
I Wanna Be An Avenger
I mentioned this on Facebook, but I thought I'd toss it out to the world at large just for funzies: I just discovered there is a character in the Marvel universe named Christopher M. Walsh. He looks like this:
Perhaps not the handsomest superhero around. In fact, not a superhero at all, as far as I can tell. He's just some dude. According to comicbookdb.com, he appeared in Invincible Iron Man and was a "HAMMER agent working for Norman Osborn that tracked Tony Stark down in Afghanistan." As you can see, he's kinda chubby - not unlike myself. And I could totally rock that facial hair.
My point is, I should totally have at least a featured cameo in the next Avengers movie. After all, SHIELD is listed as one of his group affiliations. I almost want to start a petition, but that seems kinda douchey. But if someone else were to start such a petition...
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. Know what I'm sayin'?
UPDATE...
My friend Chelsea went and started up some Facebook stuff. Click HERE to like the page, and HERE to join the group. Be a part of the movement! Viva la Revolucion!
Perhaps not the handsomest superhero around. In fact, not a superhero at all, as far as I can tell. He's just some dude. According to comicbookdb.com, he appeared in Invincible Iron Man and was a "HAMMER agent working for Norman Osborn that tracked Tony Stark down in Afghanistan." As you can see, he's kinda chubby - not unlike myself. And I could totally rock that facial hair.
My point is, I should totally have at least a featured cameo in the next Avengers movie. After all, SHIELD is listed as one of his group affiliations. I almost want to start a petition, but that seems kinda douchey. But if someone else were to start such a petition...
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. Know what I'm sayin'?
UPDATE...
My friend Chelsea went and started up some Facebook stuff. Click HERE to like the page, and HERE to join the group. Be a part of the movement! Viva la Revolucion!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Just Checking In
Oh, hey, look at that! I have a blog. I totally forgot about that.
That's a lie. I knew it was there the whole time. It lurked in the back of my mind for the last several months, taunting me, daring me to write something. Which I did! Just not for the blog. I've decided not to feel too bad about it.
That said, it has been a thrilling few months since my last report. I opened and closed Hunger at Lifeline. Lifeline also announced its next season, and I will be writing the script for our winter show, an adaptation of China Miéville's The City and the City. I'll be hearing the script out loud for the first time in just a couple of weeks. And I spent the last six weeks rehearsing The Duchess of Malfi for Strawdog Theatre. Previews start tomorrow. I've got a couple other writing projects in the works, and I've been cast in a show that will run next fall, about which I am incredibly excited.
On the downside, I lost my day job a few weeks ago. The company packed up and moved its office out of the city, and without a car I couldn't make the commute. I will admit that I am getting more and more stressed about money issues with each passing day, but I feel certain that in the long run this is going to turn into an opportunity for me. Like I said, I'm writing more. I've also finally started going out on commercial auditions that my agent has set up for me. Nothing has come from these yet, but it's an area in which I'm still very new. I am thinking positive thoughts, and telling myself it's just a matter of time.
Oh! And I recorded a voiceover demo. I'm rather proud of it. You can check it out here. (In fact, please do. Because of budgetary constraints I am doing this completely on my own, and could use all the free feedback I can get.) This one is strictly commercials; next week I plan on recording a second one that focuses more on narrative scripts. This is another new field for me, but one that I think holds some potential for me.
A Crew of Patches has a few more weeks before the end of its season. When that's done I will need to begin my job search in earnest. Most likely I'll start hitting up some of my old temp agencies. My fingers are crossed that I can find something that will be as flexible as my old place about letting me run out for auditions, as well as my morning Patches shows.
In the meantime, I have my current artistic endeavors to keep me busy, if not solvent.
Also, I need a haircut.
That's a lie. I knew it was there the whole time. It lurked in the back of my mind for the last several months, taunting me, daring me to write something. Which I did! Just not for the blog. I've decided not to feel too bad about it.
That said, it has been a thrilling few months since my last report. I opened and closed Hunger at Lifeline. Lifeline also announced its next season, and I will be writing the script for our winter show, an adaptation of China Miéville's The City and the City. I'll be hearing the script out loud for the first time in just a couple of weeks. And I spent the last six weeks rehearsing The Duchess of Malfi for Strawdog Theatre. Previews start tomorrow. I've got a couple other writing projects in the works, and I've been cast in a show that will run next fall, about which I am incredibly excited.
On the downside, I lost my day job a few weeks ago. The company packed up and moved its office out of the city, and without a car I couldn't make the commute. I will admit that I am getting more and more stressed about money issues with each passing day, but I feel certain that in the long run this is going to turn into an opportunity for me. Like I said, I'm writing more. I've also finally started going out on commercial auditions that my agent has set up for me. Nothing has come from these yet, but it's an area in which I'm still very new. I am thinking positive thoughts, and telling myself it's just a matter of time.
Oh! And I recorded a voiceover demo. I'm rather proud of it. You can check it out here. (In fact, please do. Because of budgetary constraints I am doing this completely on my own, and could use all the free feedback I can get.) This one is strictly commercials; next week I plan on recording a second one that focuses more on narrative scripts. This is another new field for me, but one that I think holds some potential for me.
A Crew of Patches has a few more weeks before the end of its season. When that's done I will need to begin my job search in earnest. Most likely I'll start hitting up some of my old temp agencies. My fingers are crossed that I can find something that will be as flexible as my old place about letting me run out for auditions, as well as my morning Patches shows.
In the meantime, I have my current artistic endeavors to keep me busy, if not solvent.
Also, I need a haircut.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Don't Call Us, We'll Call You
I don't have bad auditions.
Wait, that came out wrong.
I mean to say that I am usually pretty confident at auditions. I get nervous sometimes, sure, but never so much that it distracts from my performance. I'm a good cold reader, and I've got a handful of monologues that I know really well, that I've really done my homework on, and that I can whip out at a moment's notice whenever the occasion calls for it.
Which is why I'm really not sure what went wrong yesterday.
It was a general audition for a casting agent. That means that I wasn't up for any particular role, but rather was trying to make a good impression in the hopes of being considered for future roles. No one likes having to do general auditions. They are a necessary evil - and the "necessary" part may be up for debate. But I guess every so often casting directors and agents want to see some new faces, and so they hold generals. And we actors show up because we need to be seen if we ever want to actually get hired. As audition situations go, the general audition is pretty low-pressure. The important thing is to avoid looking like a complete idiot. If you can get a chuckle from the agent during your comedic monologue, you've probably done as well as can possibly be expected. They have to sit through a hundred or more of them, so it will take a lot to get a reaction.
The point is, I don't expect a lot in the way of feedback from these types of auditions. You go in, you get about three minutes to get through your monologues, you say thank you, you leave. You try not to look at the people watching you, because most likely they won't be watching you. They will be taking notes or something. But I expect this, and I'm a personable guy, so I'm polite and do my stuff and I don't stress to much about it.
Which brings me to yesterday. Like I said, I can't tell you what went wrong yesterday. It was my first time auditioning for this particular agent, so I was a little nervous going in. Everything was fine until it came time to start my first monologue, and I found myself suddenly all self-conscious. I mumbled the title and playwright for the first monologue, and then could not focus for the rest of my time. I botched the first couple of lines of my first piece, not so badly that I had to start over, but enough that for the rest of both monologues all I could think was, what am I doing? My second monologue is supposed to be the "funny" one, and it totally fell flat. I was unsure of what I was saying or why I was saying it. I was acutely aware of the agent's blank stare, and the agent's assistant's pen as she scribbled notes. I think I actually directed part of the second monologue at her notepad.
I was so rattled by how the whole thing went that at rehearsal that night I fumbled my way through an entire act before I could get through a scene without completely demolishing at least one line of dialogue.
Long ago I gave up trying to assess just how well I did or did not do at an audition. I've landed roles after auditions I was certain I had botched, and didn't even get a callback from auditions I knew I had nailed. So I am not going to pretend to have any idea what this agent thought of me. But it is going to take me a while to shake this one off.
Wait, that came out wrong.
I mean to say that I am usually pretty confident at auditions. I get nervous sometimes, sure, but never so much that it distracts from my performance. I'm a good cold reader, and I've got a handful of monologues that I know really well, that I've really done my homework on, and that I can whip out at a moment's notice whenever the occasion calls for it.
Which is why I'm really not sure what went wrong yesterday.
It was a general audition for a casting agent. That means that I wasn't up for any particular role, but rather was trying to make a good impression in the hopes of being considered for future roles. No one likes having to do general auditions. They are a necessary evil - and the "necessary" part may be up for debate. But I guess every so often casting directors and agents want to see some new faces, and so they hold generals. And we actors show up because we need to be seen if we ever want to actually get hired. As audition situations go, the general audition is pretty low-pressure. The important thing is to avoid looking like a complete idiot. If you can get a chuckle from the agent during your comedic monologue, you've probably done as well as can possibly be expected. They have to sit through a hundred or more of them, so it will take a lot to get a reaction.
The point is, I don't expect a lot in the way of feedback from these types of auditions. You go in, you get about three minutes to get through your monologues, you say thank you, you leave. You try not to look at the people watching you, because most likely they won't be watching you. They will be taking notes or something. But I expect this, and I'm a personable guy, so I'm polite and do my stuff and I don't stress to much about it.
Which brings me to yesterday. Like I said, I can't tell you what went wrong yesterday. It was my first time auditioning for this particular agent, so I was a little nervous going in. Everything was fine until it came time to start my first monologue, and I found myself suddenly all self-conscious. I mumbled the title and playwright for the first monologue, and then could not focus for the rest of my time. I botched the first couple of lines of my first piece, not so badly that I had to start over, but enough that for the rest of both monologues all I could think was, what am I doing? My second monologue is supposed to be the "funny" one, and it totally fell flat. I was unsure of what I was saying or why I was saying it. I was acutely aware of the agent's blank stare, and the agent's assistant's pen as she scribbled notes. I think I actually directed part of the second monologue at her notepad.
I was so rattled by how the whole thing went that at rehearsal that night I fumbled my way through an entire act before I could get through a scene without completely demolishing at least one line of dialogue.
Long ago I gave up trying to assess just how well I did or did not do at an audition. I've landed roles after auditions I was certain I had botched, and didn't even get a callback from auditions I knew I had nailed. So I am not going to pretend to have any idea what this agent thought of me. But it is going to take me a while to shake this one off.
Monday, January 02, 2012
I Am Thus Resolved
Happy New Year! As per usual, resolutions abound.
This year, I resolve to lose fifty pounds. This is different from my usual resolution to "lose weight," which technically I have succeeded in doing every year that I made the resolution. However, I've never set a specific goal before, nor did I specify that I need to actually keep it off. My resolution is to be fifty pounds lighter on December 31, 2012, than I was on January 1st. That's less than a pound per week. Totally manageable.
This year, I resolve to get my drivers' license. I resolve to take care of this every year. It's a scheduling problem: I don't have regular access to a car, but I will need to take a road test to get the license. And of course you can't just show up and say, "Hey! I'm ready to take my test now!" Figuring out exactly when to show up for these things is an exact science, and one that I have not mastered yet. So, I cannot promise that this resolution won't come to the same result this year that it has every year previously, but I will see what I can do.
This year, I resolve to get cast in at least one film. It doesn't matter what kind. It doesn't matter if I get paid. I have an agent now, so the odds of me getting paid for film work has increased, but it's not a deal breaker. In order to get paying film work, I need to put together a film reel. In order to get enough footage for a reel, I need to get some time in front of a camera. That means doing student films, shorts, whatever. Fine with me.
This year, I resolve to write an original play. If I write an adaptation as well, that's awesome. But I want to write something new, on my own, and I want to submit it in hopes of having it produced.
This year, I resolve to learn how to play the piano. I got a midi keyboard for Christmas, and GarageBand has tutorials to help learn. I've already started. I need to find time to practice, but I'm excited about it. There is a possibility that I will be writing a musical for my theatre company in the next year or two. While I'm told that my job would involve the parts that aren't music, I'd still like to be able to participate in the conversation. Plus, it's just something I've always wanted to do, and now I can.
This year, I resolve to talk to my family more often. I've really let that slide. Events of the last couple months have driven home how important it is to keep in touch with loved ones.
Right. No problem. Time to get to work.
This year, I resolve to lose fifty pounds. This is different from my usual resolution to "lose weight," which technically I have succeeded in doing every year that I made the resolution. However, I've never set a specific goal before, nor did I specify that I need to actually keep it off. My resolution is to be fifty pounds lighter on December 31, 2012, than I was on January 1st. That's less than a pound per week. Totally manageable.
This year, I resolve to get my drivers' license. I resolve to take care of this every year. It's a scheduling problem: I don't have regular access to a car, but I will need to take a road test to get the license. And of course you can't just show up and say, "Hey! I'm ready to take my test now!" Figuring out exactly when to show up for these things is an exact science, and one that I have not mastered yet. So, I cannot promise that this resolution won't come to the same result this year that it has every year previously, but I will see what I can do.
This year, I resolve to get cast in at least one film. It doesn't matter what kind. It doesn't matter if I get paid. I have an agent now, so the odds of me getting paid for film work has increased, but it's not a deal breaker. In order to get paying film work, I need to put together a film reel. In order to get enough footage for a reel, I need to get some time in front of a camera. That means doing student films, shorts, whatever. Fine with me.
This year, I resolve to write an original play. If I write an adaptation as well, that's awesome. But I want to write something new, on my own, and I want to submit it in hopes of having it produced.
This year, I resolve to learn how to play the piano. I got a midi keyboard for Christmas, and GarageBand has tutorials to help learn. I've already started. I need to find time to practice, but I'm excited about it. There is a possibility that I will be writing a musical for my theatre company in the next year or two. While I'm told that my job would involve the parts that aren't music, I'd still like to be able to participate in the conversation. Plus, it's just something I've always wanted to do, and now I can.
This year, I resolve to talk to my family more often. I've really let that slide. Events of the last couple months have driven home how important it is to keep in touch with loved ones.
Right. No problem. Time to get to work.
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